Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
