pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
