I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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