Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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