she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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