i don't plan on having that self control this summer
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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