I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
