after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
