it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
