Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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