I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
