I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
