No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
