isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
