You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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