well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
