Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
