im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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