Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
