Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
