I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
