Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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