I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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