Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
