listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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