I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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