Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
