the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
