Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
