Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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