New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
