Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
