yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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