Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me i tasted like america
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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