Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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