hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was CRYING into my vagina
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
