I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
