i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
