U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
