Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
