The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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