just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
