College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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