awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
