Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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