so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
