Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
