Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
