....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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