Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
God I need to hump something, right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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