Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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